If only I am better with words, I could actually scribble down my exact feelings and thoughts right now. The long weekend was rather well spent I would say. I had fun and the company was great.
But so many conflicting thoughts are floating around my brain. Just far too many things occurring at once. Then again, I have accepted that life just progresses this way.
Not sure how to describe this feeling. Then I thought about you and I asked myself if a closure is necessary. Maybe not anymore.
So it’s the month of July. I wouldn’t say how time flies because I know how each day was spent; I remember the days when I felt empty, the days I felt excited and happy, the days I felt like shit, the days I felt so damn exhausted..
I have been working for 3 weeks now. Guess it is not really considered as work per se since it’s still training. Two tests in the upcoming week. Need to study again, just can’t seem to escape from such things oh wells. On a brighter note, this should be much more manageable compared to those back in uni.
Things are getting better. But the pain is still there. Today it dawned on me that everything you gave/made for me is still right in front of my eyes at this very moment. Will these objects eventually lose their meaning? I don’t think so. Yes they may be memories, the past. But memories will stay with us. Moving on doesn’t mean we forget, b’cos we never will. We just choose to place them in a special compartment in our heart/mind. That’s why everytime I see you, this very familiar tingling feeling comes back and it is somewhat unbearable.
I wonder if it’s fate or pre-arranged or whatsoever, but I always bump into you. There is no way we can escape. We need a proper closure, at least in my opinion. This is the month which I have been waiting to face you, but there is this indescribable fear. Some have told me not to put myself out there again, but I know a part of me needs to do this.
Feelings aside, I should focus on my tests this week. Life has been pretty good so far? Meeting really great personalities and going through new experiences. I will face this week with a smile.
WHY am I always falling sick :’( Why do I keep having random blue-blacks. Feel so weak. But I have been keeping up with a rather healthy lifestyle in terms of dieting and exercise (apart from the weekly alcohol). Why is my immunity still so low? Totally feeling the fatigue from period too. Too damn much physical torture :’(