So it’s the month of July. I wouldn’t say how time flies because I know how each day was spent; I remember the days when I felt empty, the days I felt excited and happy, the days I felt like shit, the days I felt so damn exhausted..
I have been working for 3 weeks now. Guess it is not really considered as work per se since it’s still training. Two tests in the upcoming week. Need to study again, just can’t seem to escape from such things oh wells. On a brighter note, this should be much more manageable compared to those back in uni.
Things are getting better. But the pain is still there. Today it dawned on me that everything you gave/made for me is still right in front of my eyes at this very moment. Will these objects eventually lose their meaning? I don’t think so. Yes they may be memories, the past. But memories will stay with us. Moving on doesn’t mean we forget, b’cos we never will. We just choose to place them in a special compartment in our heart/mind. That’s why everytime I see you, this very familiar tingling feeling comes back and it is somewhat unbearable.
I wonder if it’s fate or pre-arranged or whatsoever, but I always bump into you. There is no way we can escape. We need a proper closure, at least in my opinion. This is the month which I have been waiting to face you, but there is this indescribable fear. Some have told me not to put myself out there again, but I know a part of me needs to do this.
Feelings aside, I should focus on my tests this week. Life has been pretty good so far? Meeting really great personalities and going through new experiences. I will face this week with a smile.
WHY am I always falling sick :’( Why do I keep having random blue-blacks. Feel so weak. But I have been keeping up with a rather healthy lifestyle in terms of dieting and exercise (apart from the weekly alcohol). Why is my immunity still so low? Totally feeling the fatigue from period too. Too damn much physical torture :’(
Look for something positive in each day, even if some days you have to look a little harder.
Today, I wished you were there to give me a warm hug after a long tiring day.
But, I believe I can do this :)
You’ve got to use it, the pain. Use it as fuel to move past the torment, to the light at the end of the tunnel.
Last week had been a good fulfilling one. Though there was the unpleasant incident, I choose to put it behind me and look ahead. I am really disgusted and disappointed at your actions and it clearly indicated to me that it’s time for me to put an end to the friendship. Period.
Tomorrow marks the start of my work life, a new and exhilarating journey awaits me. I am a little nervous but pretty damn excited. I am thankful for all the prayers and well wishes. I will strive to do the best I could and do everyone proud.
I still miss you and there isn’t a day that goes by without you appearing in my mind. Of course I wished you were here and I wished you know how much you have changed my life, for the good. There are so many things I wana tell you in person but now is not the time. I hope you are doing well and maybe, occasionally, think of the good we had.
It will be a good week ahead. :)