Obligations and Guilt.
I want a fluffy bunny for christmas :(
It’s really cold.
Time for some me-time again. This isn’t exactly the right time (as usual), but I promise I will go back to work after this. Having very mixed emotions. Feeling quite sad, confused and a tinge of regret. After seeing some stuff, emotions just keep flowing in. And after last night’s talk, I realized I have lost so much. I think I am losing myself. I am losing things which meant so much to me. Who am I today.
I want to let you know, but I don’t think you will understand. You are insensitive and sometimes I try to drop hints but either you choose to ignore because you are afraid or you are not even aware in the first place. I don’t want to talk to you anymore because it will lead us to nowhere. I am feeling very sad, haven’t been feeling so sad for so long. It’s not the stress, it’s the real emotions. I am sad I lost that friendship. You moved on and led a more meaningful life but I am falling, so hard. I can’t find that connection with anyone anymore. Maybe it’s me.
What if this is really important to me and I can never pick myself up again. Maybe this is the cause of everything. Who can understand? I just realized how scary this is going to be. Who knows the true me?
One day, if I just leave this place, I wonder who will know where to find me.